Talking With Children About Gun Violence

How can we help our children understand shootings that we don’t understand ourselves? It’s a conversation no one wants to have, but we must because our children will hear about them from other sources.

Three rules always apply before you speak:

• process your emotions first with a trusted adult,
• start where your child, grandchild, or neighbourhood child is,
• and listen.

Ask the child what they’ve heard about the tragedy, how they feel and what they think. Listen for what the child needs: Is it information, comfort, guidance, or processing an emotion?

The simplest data answer may satisfy the curious child, while a hug and reassurance may comfort the anxious one. One who is worried about what to do if something happens to him may want concrete direction, like, look for a safe place to hide, be quiet, or go to or listen to a responsible adult. One who is hurting or crying needs empathy.

If you can’t answer a question, saying “I don’t know” is okay, especially if you add, “God will help us figure it out together.” An angry child may want to act in revenge against the shooter. Help that child redirect her anger toward solving the problem. Although a solution seems impossible in these times, remember that every great change starts with individual action. Tell your angry child that they can make a difference and help them do something helpful.

Simply telling them it is okay to feel afraid or sad or angry helps. Assure every child that fear is a God-given gift for self-protection and caring about victims is a healthy and good response. Some children may be comforted immediately by only one conversation. Others may need repeated conversations or reassurances because that’s the way they process to create internal balance. And, a child can make a remark or ask a question weeks or months after an event, so be prepared. But, the most important gift to them is our loving attention and reassuring presence.

Finally, thank God out loud for always being near our children and us. Rejoice in the safety we have known. Ask God to continue to help us be safe. Thank God for God’s peace to guard our feelings and thoughts in ways we cannot explain. May it be so.

Two links that may be helpful to you are:
Helping Children with Tragic Events in the… | PBS KIDS for Parents
15 Tips for Talking with Children About Violence | Colorín Colorado (colorincolorado.org)